It's a 3 hour journey across the Cook Straight, but the sea is calm and the skies are blue. It's a perfect trip. Up on the open deck, a lady points out a pod of dolphins about 50 metres away. We start chatting and I find that she's a South Island resident, so I ask her suggestions for places I should visit. She has trouble narrowing it down, but I'm attracted by her description of Kaikoura, with mountains rising from the sea. I decide that's where I'm going, and I'll probably continue to Christchurch in the afternoon.
The final half hour of the trip is through Queen Charlotte Sound, and the South Island is already showing off. The scenery is fantastic, as if to say “Ah, you’ve come from the North Island have you? Liked the scenery did you? Well how about THIS!” I know already that my brother Simon would love this place.
We pass Waikawa Bay, with the small town of Waikawa, looking so idyllic with small white sailing boats gleaming brightly under the blue skies, with the mountains rising up behind.
And then, round the next corner, Picton Harbour and our arrival point - the town of Picton.
Picton seems a nice place with a slight frontier town feel. But I’ve no time to explore - I aim to reach Christchurch this evening, so I can't hang around. I drive out of Picton and head South on State Highway 1. I ignore Blenheim (sorry Blenheim) and drive straight on down the coast to the small village of Kaikoura, famous for its locally caught crayfish. The road hugs the coastline with its stony beaches, the sea below on the left. As I drive into Kaikoura I'm disappointed by the "mountains rising from the sea" - they're hills at best, and not particularly impressive. Until I arrive in Kaikoura itself, park the car and look back up the road that I've just driven down. Now I see it. The Seaward Kaikoura Range rises majestically from the rugged coastline.
It's early summer, but there's still snow on the summits. I don't know the stats, but those peaks must be pretty high. And I can tell that they're not far from the sea. I estimate (fairly accurately, I later discover) that they're maybe 3 miles from the sea. I call in at a fish & chip shop, and see a local magazine. On the front cover is a photo of the very range I've just been looking at, and the heights of the different peaks. Only 3 miles from the sea, 3 or 4 of the peaks are already higher than Ben Nevis, the highest mountain in the UK. The highest mountain in the range is Manakau - perhaps 10 miles from the sea, and almost twice as high as Ben Nevis. So this is what the lady on the ferry was talking about, and she was right. This is dramatic and spectacular. In fact, it's made me hungry.
And as luck would have it, there's a fish & chip shop just across the way. There are just 3 customers waiting - a mother & daughter at one end, chatting happily in German, and a rough-looking bloke at the other end. I order some battered fish and then lean against the counter and gaze out of the window, trying to look mysterious and charismatic. The mother is very very attractive and the daughter, who looks like she's of university age, is absolutely stunning.
Suddenly, my nostrils are outraged. One of the customers (I'm sure it must be the bloke) has dropped a stinker. It's horrendous! What if the gorgeous mother and stunning daughter think it's me? I know I'll never see any of my fish-shop compatriots again, but I'd still rather not be suspected of sneaking that one out! I stand there trying to hold my breath and still look charismatic. I'm not sure I pulled it off.
Back out in the sunshine, it's scorchingly hot. Incongruously (that's how it seems to a Northern Hemisphere native), there's a Christmas party being held in one of the town's car parks. Schoolchildren are singing Christmas Carols, while barbecues sizzle and ice creams soothe. I watch for a while, and stroll up and down the small main street, taking in the sights. Small shops. A small church. Searing heat. And all the while, the Christmas carols. It feels very alien. But, once again, it's time to drive - Christchurch is still a few hours away. So I walk back to the car, open all the doors for a few minutes to let the baking heat escape, and realise I'm already getting sunburned. So I get in the car, turn the air conditioning to maximum, and get back onto State Highway 1.
At last, several hours later, I arrive at Christchurch. It seems to have a lot of sprawl compared with everywhere in New Zealand except Auckland. It feels like I've been driving for ages through suburbia, until I finally find myself in the centre. My normal plan (arrive in town and then find somewhere to stay) isn't working too well this time. I'm struggling to find a convenient place - driving around at night, with drinkers and taxis lurching at me from all directions. At one point my phone beeps and I pull over to see who is texting me. It's my mate Gary, and I start texting a reply until I suddenly realise where I've stopped. I don't know the name of the road, but judging by the locals approaching me, it's rather obviously the red light area. With visions of being caught in a vice squad sting, I put down my phone and drive on. Gary will have to wait. I drive in circles for a while before finally finding a hotel. I've struck gold - it's not too expensive, and the room is huge. It feels like I've been offered a penthouse suite, and I'm well chuffed.
After a shower and change of clothes, I go out to explore, end up at a place called the Angry Mole and it’s rocking. I have some beers, make some friends, and notice my fingernails are fluorescing quite brightly. I've no idea what that's all about. At the end of the evening I stroll back to the hotel, with Boogie Nights stamped on my wrist. There are couple of buskers and quite a few beggars along the way. One looks like skinny Lee Marvin, while his mate just looks skinny. Both are friendly, but very very drunk. I can’t understand Lee Marvin’s name, and can barely even understand when he says my name. But eventually I learn that his ancestors were longbowmen from Sheffield. It's a small world indeed, until you have to find a hotel in a strange city, surrounded by drunks and scuffles. But I find it eventually, arrive back in my penthouse suite and fall wearily into bed.
